It seems like every few months, something gets the Catholic League or some other self-aggrandizing Christian group all lathered up and spitting foam into the air in hopes that someone might step in their way. It’s a familiar cycle – the same thing we’ve seen with “anti-christian” elements in half a dozen movies or the attempts by the Harry Potter series to “indoctrinate” our children with the idea that witchcraft is okay.

I can’t say I fully understand what has them so angry, other than that they don’t understand the basic tenets of entertainment. First, the story. The Golden Compass, the incredible first book in a three novel series of children’s books written by Philip Pullman, a noted agnostic (see where this is going) is being released on Friday in theaters everywhere.

Now, here’s a quote from the Catholic League about the “sinister purpose” of the film:

“The Catholic League wants Christians to stay away from this movie precisely because it knows that the film is bait for the books,” said president William Donohue.

“Unsuspecting parents who take their children to see the movie may be impelled to buy the three books as a Christmas present. And no parent who wants to bring their children up in the faith will want any part of these books,” he added.

Of course! Hollywood is pursuing the agenda of the agnostic-middle, those bastards who have been raised in a religious world and feel that it has gone slightly askew. How could the Agnostics possibly have gotten such an idea. Doesn’t everyone know that a good Christian’s sole purpose is to protest children’s films for presenting an alternate perspective of organized religion? How dare Pullman try to teach children they have a right to be individuals in an increasingly high-pressured, demanding world. That bastard.

Here I was thinking all Hollywood cared about was the money…how misguided I’ve been.

Unfortunately, just like the last film that the Catholic League stood up and whined about – The DaVinci Code – it appears that the Golden Compass isn’t that good of a movie to start with. It’s a shame really, because as long as the films with “blasphemous” messages fail to find good directors and actors (seriously, if 50 million people read a book, make a better movie), the Catholic League of Downers will continue to think they’re actually having an effect on the entertainment industry…

Makes me feel as though we should start an agnostic strike against the next Narnia movie. Who’s in?

Everyone Run! It’s a Jesus hunting Polar Bear!!